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Thursday, September 29, 2005
"or you can get this lap dance here for free..." - N.E.R.D. super bizarre dreams last night. there were a list of exotic dancers and jet wanted to have a ass-wiggling session with them. naturally, i was abit unhappy about that. all those titties and ass. assets i am severely lacking. *sigh* i woke up abruptly and woke jet up. "baby. do you want to dance with exotic dancers??" *half asleep* "nooooooo..." hmmph. yeah right. i went back to sleep and continued to dream. i dragged jet to a strip club to get him a lap dance. we were at the bar and the guy asked us what we wanted. i got jet to ask for a lapdance and i wanted to watch. the guy said it was an extra $20 for me to watch. so it was a total of $80. *side note - how much are lapdances anyway?* but i only had like $30 so i ran to the atm. all the while i was worried the lapdance would start without me. got back to the strip club. jet was still waiting for the lapdancer. apparently he had to shave his armpits first. WTF? i woke up again. *poke* *poke* "baby can we go to a strip club?" *sleepy eyes* "yeah, ok. we can go tomorrow." "cool!! can i get you a lapdance?" *wary pause* "umm... maybe." "yayyy!! i wanna see you get a lapdance." *evil grin* *looking like a cornered mouse* i am a terribly bizarre bed companion. i'm excited. i wanna go to a strip club. and i wanna see a lapdance. but seeing as i don't personally fancy having a chick wiggling her pussy in my face, the closest guy to me is jet, right? BWAHAHAHA. it's going to be the most uncomfortable moment for him ever. i am mucho evil. Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 5:50 pm  Monday, September 26, 2005
*drool* double *drool* i desire one thing more than most. i can have it again and again. no matter how much i have, i want more. more! more! more! for this one thing, i have an insatiable lust. no i'm not talking about sex, you dolt. i'm talking about THIS!!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. if you ever run out ideas of what to get me... i will be more than happy to accept a TUB... no TWO TUBS... no ANY AMOUNT of tubs of durian gelati. in fact, i'm BEGGING you to buy me a lifetime's supply of durian gelati!! that way i don't have to trek all the way down to lygon st dragging tonnes of groceries / overnight bag / watever else. although... i do need my weekly dose of mee pok at boba pearl. but that's just so i can justify having dessert. weekly routine head to boba pearl. stop by il dolce to check for durian gelati. spot durian gelati. do an ecstatic dance. hop to boba pearl. eat mee pok. drink bubble tea. hop merrily to il dolce. decide between single or double scoop. don't know why i bother thinking about single scoop. the girls always give me funny looks when i order a double scoop of durian gelati. "umm... BOTH scoops durian gelati?" "YUP!!" "err... you can mix flavours you know?" "YUP! but i only want durian." *grins like a 5 yr old* "... okayyyy ..." AHHHHHH FUCKING BLISS. jet says i look unbelievably happy when i've got durian gelati in my hands. i get all hyper and smiley-happy. and i act like i'm high. Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 3:55 pm
YIKES!! just got an email from mother dearest. Did you hear the news???? Josh was surfing at Cape du Coedic and was attacked by a shark !!! He is well (according to the news) with lacerations on both legs.......... :o this isn't the first shark incident on kangaroo island so far. i've had a couple of friends who've been chased by sharks while surfing. we've also had baby sharks hanging around while we used to go jetty jumping after school. yes... well... we country kids had to keep ourselves amused somehow right. poor josh. i can only imagine him screaming for morphine right now. or possibly smiling goofily while puffing on a joint. hope he gets well soon. here's a pic taken on my 21st. josh happily stuffing his face with steamboat goodness.  Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 3:22 pm 1 random retorts
Saturday, September 24, 2005
i don't want to grow old it's 9.08pm. and i'm fucking sleepy. like i can K.O. type of sleepy. shit. i'm getting old. the other day, while i was putting on makeup, i saw fine lines. i swear!! where the hell did they come from? luscious lips, stop rolling your eyes, shut up and let me whinge okay. soon i'll start noticing my boobs are down to my knees and i'll be like, "hey. you never used to hang out with my knees!" and the ass. the ass will be down there chilling with my knees and tits. one big happy saggy family. jeeeeperrrsss. i just wanna be five years old and blissfully ignorant. all i had to worry about back then was what game i was going to play next. masak masak? Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 9:07 pm Friday, September 23, 2005
how could they?? another angry bangry post. i was almost inconsolable when i found out that subway has taken off the hot chilli sauce. that was the only thing they had going for them!! in my books anyway. what... did they think i bought their meatball subs coz they were good? heeeelllll noooo..... it was for the HOT CHILLI SAUCE!! not pissy sweet chilli sauce. not southern-chipotle or watever the fuck it is sauce. HOT CHILLI SAUCE!! fuck. it's the same feeling i get when italian restaurants tell me they don't have tobasco. NO TOBASCO?? what kind of stupid italian restaurant are you? what the hell am i supposed to put on my puttanesca? don't even suggest chilli flakes. i will kill you. back to subway. they talk about giving you choice. well how can they take away a choice??!! fucking hypocrites. just because a majority of australians are too pissy and can't take hot chilli doesn't mean you dismiss the minority! no offense to aussies. i grew up with them on kangaroo island okay.. so don't tell me i'm racist. i was a quarter of the asian population there!! besides... in melbourne it's more like "spot the white". so what gives subway the right to take away the hot chilli sauce?! *growl* fuckers. no reason for me to ever eat subway again. i asked the guy if what happened to the hot chilli sauce. "oh they used to have it. but they're taken it off." "NO MORE hot chilli sauce??" *incredulous* "yeah... sorry." "well what's your hottest sauce then?" "ummm... the southern-chipotle(watever it's called). here... try some." *tastes sauce* "tastes like fucking cheese to me" i think to myself. so subway expects me to conform and put sweet chilli sauce in my sandwich? they can go fuck themselves in the ass. Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 8:55 pm Wednesday, September 21, 2005
SPAM RAPED nyama puki chau lan chiau limp dick motherfuckers. WHY the FUCK am i getting spammed on my blog? FUCK OFF SPAMMERS!! anyone know how i can prise these leechers off my once-pristine home? *seething with rage* Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 6:20 pm 1 random retorts
Spanish fantasy I have recently discovered the wonders of Chambao.  it is a delightful mixture of flamenco and chill. the carefree melodies resonate through my soul. it makes me want to pick up my skirts and dance on the beach like a gipsy, breathe imaginary fresh air, lower my lashes seductively at my imaginary spanish lover and indulge in coquettish behaviour, like a spanish siren singing her song. Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 5:47 pm 1 random retorts
morning kerfuffle i do many strange things in my sleep. jet is a victim of many strange morning incidents. one morning i was jolted awake by a sound. i swear i thought i heard jet say something. so i opened my eyes and said "huh?". he started pissing himself laughing. "what?! you said something!!" "no i didn't." *fit of laughter* "yes you did. what's so funny?" "you were snoring and you woke yourself up. and you said "huh?". i didn't say anything." yes i snore. shut up. well this morning there was another kerfuffle. i was busy having the most annoying dream. some stupid black puppy (chloe must've invaded my dream) was slobbering and jumping all over me. i was desperately trying to smack the bitch up but i kept missing. i got soooo extreeemely annoyed, i angry-bangrily smacked my pillow super hard and woke myself up. jet opened one eye and stared at me. "what was that for?" "some stupid puppy was jumping all over me and i got annoyed. so i hit the pillow." "err... ok." *goes back to sleep* i make an interesting bed companion. Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 4:31 pm Tuesday, September 20, 2005
beauty in darkness i looked out the window on a rainy winter's night. i beheld, at that moment, a sight that quickened my pulse. droplets clung to the window, as they sparkled against the dim lights in the courtyard. i found romantic notions swimming in my head. sweeping skirts, girlish laughter echoing through the streets, gentlemen in tailcoats bowing, carriages running across puddles in the pavement, splashing. poems written by hand on stiff parchment. letters from lovers in dust covered boxes. and i took a picture. two pictures. and then some.   Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 5:58 pm
anal queen and no... i'm not talking about sexual tendencies. get out of the gutter. i am talking about those little OCDs everyone has. our little anal retentive side. i will admit to being severely anal about certain things. FOOD i absolutely cannot STAND people playing with my food. *glares at cam and donkey* salad belongs in the salad section of the plate. carrot slices are NOT supposed to be anywhere else apart from that salad section. because when it is... lisha becomes very antsy... edgy... unable to focus on anything else but that DAMN PIECE OF CARROT. *taking deep breaths* i ESPECIALLY hate it when people try to be nice and pile on bits of food on your plate. i have a system. and when people dump food on my plate... it fucks up that system. DON'T FUCK WITH THE SYSTEM. so can you imagine me at chinese dinners? at the risk of being a rude ungrateful cow, don't be surprised if i hover over my rice pushing back any food being steered towards my plate. or if i start directing you where to put it like a construction worker directing a slab of concrete. and apparently, i make sculptures out of my food. i tend to keep my rice in a square block. oh and i HATE mixing gravy. it's just... wrong. TOILETS i don't know what it is about women and public toilets. women's toilets are absolutely THE most disgusting places on earth. there's puke everywhere. floating pieces of shit. floating blood-stained tissues. blood stained toilet seats. footprints on toilet seats. and PISS STAINS on the seat. i never understood that. HOW does a woman manage to piss on the seat? i mean, unlike guys, we don't have the liberty of flopping it out and taking aim (or not). we just sit and let it gush like Niagara Falls. well... i'm not sitting my bare arse on that sad excuse of a toilet bowl. so in an extremely environmentally unfriendly way, i tear enough paper to wipe down that toilet bowl without my fingers ever having to touch any of that shit. i then line the bowl with toilet paper before sitting on it to deposit whatever needs be. and you know when you rip off the toilet paper off the roll to wipe your grubby, stinking, shitty little arsehole? i don't feel like the toilet routine has been carried out properly unless i've immaculately folded the toilet paper along the perforated lines. i make sure to fold the tissue so that the inner bit is now facing outwards. that way... you know no grubby fingers have touched it, or dust hasn't settled on it. PERSONAL HYGIENE on average, i would say i wash my hands about 30 times a day. i can't stand having dirty hands. if it feels like it hasn't been washed in the last hour, i'll wash them. i HAVE to shower when i wake up. i'm not one of those people who can just roll outta bed, wash my face and brush my teeth. i don't wake up until i've had a nice scalding shower. and i can't stand not taking a shower for a day. hence, i'm the worst camper. on ki, i actually drove all the way home from camping to have a shower and then drove back to camp. almost two hours of driving just for a shower. hee hee. i copped so much shit for being such a girly girl. but fuck it. at least i smell good!! and you don't. BWAHAHAHA SLEEPING i can't sleep in silence. i need background noise. cars, people, music. anything. but pure silence... it drives me mad. i start hearing voices and imagining things that aren't there. i need a 'lam cham' or a bolster. i neeeed that something between my legs. it's not so comfortable lying in a foetal position when you have knobbly knees like i do. no... not very comf at all. i need a blanket or quilt of some sort. i can be in stinking hot KL weather with no air-conditioning and i STILL need that blanket. logic? there's none... i'm sure there are more but... wow. i'm such an anal queen. now you're all going to watch out for all these little habits and have a good old snicker about it aren't you? fuckers... hehe. despite all that... i really am just a normal girl. REALLY!! Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 4:38 pm 3 random retorts
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
the guai lo barman said... while the incestuous duo - cam and myself - were carrying out our skanky deeds at publicity, completely oblivious to any onlookers, comments were passed. this is how it went, as told by skanky bambi. cam and lisha slutting it up in the VIP area. donkey and noelle hanging out at the bar... where alcoholics belong. donkey looks over to see his darling xiao yang being molested by her incestuous cousin. donkey: "make it stop! make it stop!" barman: *staring* "no no don't make it stop!" bambi: "no make it stop!" barman: "b..but... why??" *incredulous* bambi: "because... they're cousins!!" barman: *grins* "EVEN BETTER!" so... there you go. that's what the barman said. Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 7:59 pm Tuesday, September 13, 2005
you can call me a laugh whore i have just found a term that describes me perfectly, thanks to the wonderful konfabulator. yes yes i have once again succumbed to peer pressure. anyway, me wonderful word of the day widget educated me today. laugh whore n: A person who is an easy laugh. A laugh whore will typically laugh at all of your jokes just to gain acceptance from you. You don't mind it because it makes you feel better about yourself. Usually has a mildly obnoxious laugh to go along with his/her hair trigger laugh reflex. I AM A LAUGH WHORE!! Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 10:48 pm
don't make me watch teen horror movies what is it about these damn movies? the classics of the 90s - i know what you did last summer, scream, etc. there's always the unbeliever who goes and gets him/herself killed first. there's always a dark room for some reason. they walk in to investigate with a torchlight. a bloody torchlight. why do they not think to hit the light switch first? idiots. then of course, they split up. classic scene. boy & girl hear a sound from upstairs. boy says to girl in macho voice, "stay here." and what happens? girl gets slaughtered like a bleating lamb. dumbass. lame attempts at comedy jay and silent bob strike back. scary movie. dude, where's my car. kangaroo jack. dumb & dumber. you get my drift. i'm not going to even waste my breath. these directors spend millions of dollars to produce 90 minute films with 2 minutes of possible laughs. 3 minutes at most. war movies is it not bad enough that we live in such a depressing world that we have to re-create some of the worst features of human history? i don't want to see dirty men running, getting shot down and blasted into unrecognisable bloody bits in the name of religion or their country. i don't want to see the expressions on the poor woman's face when she's told her lover died two weeks ago and is now a rotting corpse being trampled on mercilessly by bloody, smelly boots that need a wash. crappy romantic comedies i'll admit there are a few good ones out there. but my gripe with this genre is the lack of variety in story structure. man meets woman. they fall in love instantly. everything goes perfectly well. woman misunderstands man. everything goes sour. life's all depressing and shitty. woman finds out man didn't intentionally fuck up. they live happily ever after. whoopdeedoo. ugh. please. if it's not that, it's some loser man/woman who makes a painful embarrassment out of themselves. the ones that you can't bear to watch, but do anyway, because we humans revel in the misery of others. Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 1:18 pm 2 random retorts
Monday, September 12, 2005
so long.... farewell...!! they came. they've gone. they kicked up a party. and we'll miss them. Cam and Donkey celebrated their last night in melbourne at Publicity. it was a night full of hardcore skanking. as the girls bumped and grinded, the boys rolled their eyes and drank their whisky. ahhh... such bliss. Donkey tried to reclaim Cam from her molesting DFSes without much success. Back to the bottle he went. Not wasting any skanking opportunity, Cam and I decided to jump into the same toilet booth (to save time... nothing else!!). as she sat to relieve herself, i gave her an ass wiggling performance to the R&B tunes pumping in the toilets. she returned the favour. ahhhh... it's so wrong on so many... sooo manyyyy levels. looking forward to skankin with you guys again back in KL!                   Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 12:44 am 2 random retorts
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
torn and tattered snowbunny what an excellent snow trip. the weather was absolutely perfect despite predictions of poor visibility. but let's not talk about how great it was. let's talk about what made it another unforgettable experience. highlights of hotham 2005: - cam ramming the fridge door into my toe causing it to bleed. injured BEFORE snowboarding. - donkey's wonderful liver breakdown vodka cocktail. while all of us were choking on it, he tastes it, looks at it and says, "there's not enough vodka in here. anyone want some more vodka?" cheee sin... - getting off the ski lift for the first time in two years. i gracefully slammed my chin onto dry ice resulting in my new gangsta chick look. injured BEFORE hitting the slopes. - slamming my head hard on the ice. as i knelt over recovering, red bull dripped out from my nose. i was a leaking faucet of red bull. nice yellow puddle. - somersaulting and skidding down the slopes on my butt and head numerous times. 70 metres was the approximate record. i just couldn't be fucked digging in the board anymore. despite all that... i still keep going back for more. as i spent 10 minutes trying to turn onto my side and clambered out of bed, i asked myself... "why do i do this to myself?" there's no logical answer. i'm beaten. i'm sore. i'm bruised. and i'm bloody satisfied.    Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 3:21 pm 2 random retorts
welcome back Donkey and Xiao Yang in true alcoholic style, they touched down. showered. ate. and went straight to Lavish. a five hour trip to hotham the following day prevented bryan, ally, cam, donk and i from alcohol overkill. no wait... ally didn't quite have that restraint. she had another toilet bowl episode. porcelain whore strikes again!!                  cam!! why didn't you bring back pan mee for me?? or nga poh lo shu fun? or yok choy kai? or.. or.. ok i'll stop now. Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 2:40 pm 1 random retorts
Friday, September 02, 2005
cam, incestuous fam, coming down to jam! mmm if i had a day job (or any job for that matter), i wouldn't be in a hurry to give it up to pursue a rapping/mc-ing career. so fear not. i'm going to be absolutely exhausted from head to toe after this weekend. tomorrow's agenda - shopping. pack for weekend snow trip. drag my ass to lavish to entertain the original DFSes. sorry girls... no smoochies for you. tongue ulcers are gross, as cam so eloquently put it. crash for a few hours before heading up to hotham for 3 days of intensive boarding. i can just see it. bryan, ally and donkey carving up the snow. ally and bry have been honorary residents of the slopes this year. cheaters!! cam spending her time on her butt with me. and by the end of it all... i'll just be permanently on my bum. or... i'll do my trademark move - knock myself out on an icy slope on the last day. happens everytime. so if i appear incoherent next week... you'll know why. if i walk like a zombie with a carrot up its arse... you'll also know why. and if i STILL have to say fewewo woshay... you'll know why too. jet made a totally irrelevant comment today. lisha hops onto jet's back as he crouches to play a dvd. jet: "you're just like a monkey." me: "... a monkey??" jet "yeah. a baby monkey." that boy has a special way with words. Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 12:05 am Thursday, September 01, 2005
fewewo woshay all those times i made fun of people who couldn't pronounce the letter R (yes you loco)... it's come to bite me in the ass. karmic retribution delivered swiftly and painfully. remember that tongue bite i wrote about a few days ago? well... it's now a killer ulcer on the side of my tongue. everytime it scrapes against my teeth, i clench my jaw in pain. and when my mouth gets dry, it sticks to my tooth and moving my tongue means it peels off like masking tape. it. fuckin. hurts. alot! and i sound like i have a speech impediment. ferrero rocher would have to be one of the shittiest words for me to try and pronounce right now. make that... wight now. i was having the shittiest time doing my assignment. of course, in multimedia, nothing ever works as smoothly as it should. so i go and get myself a tub of ice-cream. comfort food, right? turns out i was simply torturing myself. no comfort for me. goddammit Alysia S. procrastinated again @ 1:37 am
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5 random retorts
How to get readers to come back to your blog? Keep on writing as you do.
Keep the the fresh, interesting stuff coming.
I'll be back. (Sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger)
I have a online engineering degrees site/blog. It pretty much covers
online engineering degrees related stuff.
Have a look when you have a minute. Ciao.
How much are lap dances??? I don't know Melbourne (am in Perth) but the prices shouldn't differ by that much - $70 for a 3-song dance, approx. 10 minutes. I don't know about paying extra to have someone watch. ;)
And btw I think it's really really cool that you would buy your bf a lapdance. Lucky bastard.
mooiness - you think they'll let me watch?? i think my bf's abit scared by the notion of his gf watching him while another chick is rubbing herself all over him. how to enjoy himself? hahaha
donks - well... you still love me for it!! *grin*
If the room is big enough, maybe they will. Some places have booths that fit only two ppl comfortably and have only so much room for the dancer to do her stuff. :)
As for ur bf enjoying the show, maybe he'd find that *you* wanting to watch too is exciting enough? Hahaha.
of course I do sweety..
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